I wish I was done, but I'm not ...
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
July 29th, 2014
Fear, a word, a feeling, stopping you from experiencing life to the fullest. It's not an easy enemy to fight against, whenever you think you won the battle it turns out you haven't. Fear is inside everyone, it's not a war as it can be completely defeated, but a constant battle, helping us to get better, stronger, giving us inspiration purpose not only doubt, uneasiness and struggle.
There are people though ( myself included ) who "win" less than half of the battles they have.
However, being completely isolated, in a place of remoteness where nothing can touch or affect you, in locations like these being alone is more like a remedy than a heavy burden on your shoulders.
Sometimes, getting through the day is enough even if you haven't had any new adventures or experiences, not always though...
There are people though ( myself included ) who "win" less than half of the battles they have.
However, being completely isolated, in a place of remoteness where nothing can touch or affect you, in locations like these being alone is more like a remedy than a heavy burden on your shoulders.
Sometimes, getting through the day is enough even if you haven't had any new adventures or experiences, not always though...
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
July 23rd, 2014
I'm so sick of everything in my life and when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING! If only I had the guts to leave everything behind and "run away" I would have done. I know people have it a lot worse than I do. However, every one deals with their problems and the obstacles life throws at them different from the other...
All of it, is just so confusing and tiresome, makes you wanna go to an eternal slumber and never wake up. Even trying to explain how you feel, seems pointless or you get to be called arrogant, selfish and other names that will either hurt you psychologically or be centralised as the source of the problem.
Another case is, you'll be asked why are you feeling this way and not that way when you could just do this and that, because it is so FUCKING easy to turn things around! Well guess what, IT'S NOT!!!!!
All of it, is just so confusing and tiresome, makes you wanna go to an eternal slumber and never wake up. Even trying to explain how you feel, seems pointless or you get to be called arrogant, selfish and other names that will either hurt you psychologically or be centralised as the source of the problem.
Another case is, you'll be asked why are you feeling this way and not that way when you could just do this and that, because it is so FUCKING easy to turn things around! Well guess what, IT'S NOT!!!!!
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
July 8th, 2014
It's been a few days since I finished watching Digimon ( the entire series ).
The opening song from the first series is a song that got stuck in my head from the very first time I started watching the anime ( 8-9 years probably can't remember), the song itself gives you a sense of hope and courage at the same time, even though it's in Japanese. Nonetheless, there are many cases where words on their use are not needed to be understood but felt, as this case in particular.
I have come to realise or better accept the reason why there is this sadness and melancholy people like might experience regarding this series and all THE FEELS you get from it ( especially the original series ) . The desire to have someone as your own partner who will always be there for you no matter what, to get this connection of spiritual level, the uniqueness of both of them that links them together is something not many individuals truly get to have.
On the other hand, it might be selfish to have a friend all for yourself. However, this kind of friendship and attachment is one that doesn't make you jealous, thus it makes you get closer to your friend and grow wiser through the understanding, compassion and tenderness you share with each other.
Overall, my main point is I often doubt myself and the people around me, I've grown tired of even getting out of bed in the morning, oblivion seems so appealing at times like this yet I thank the universe for the existence of things like that ( music, tv series etc ) for giving me and many others hope in an indescribable way.
The opening song from the first series is a song that got stuck in my head from the very first time I started watching the anime ( 8-9 years probably can't remember), the song itself gives you a sense of hope and courage at the same time, even though it's in Japanese. Nonetheless, there are many cases where words on their use are not needed to be understood but felt, as this case in particular.
I have come to realise or better accept the reason why there is this sadness and melancholy people like might experience regarding this series and all THE FEELS you get from it ( especially the original series ) . The desire to have someone as your own partner who will always be there for you no matter what, to get this connection of spiritual level, the uniqueness of both of them that links them together is something not many individuals truly get to have.
On the other hand, it might be selfish to have a friend all for yourself. However, this kind of friendship and attachment is one that doesn't make you jealous, thus it makes you get closer to your friend and grow wiser through the understanding, compassion and tenderness you share with each other.
Overall, my main point is I often doubt myself and the people around me, I've grown tired of even getting out of bed in the morning, oblivion seems so appealing at times like this yet I thank the universe for the existence of things like that ( music, tv series etc ) for giving me and many others hope in an indescribable way.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
July 1st, 2014
Almost a year ago I created this blog so I could write down my thoughts and feelings, haven't been doing that quite often as most of the time I can't even be bothered to wake up in the morning.
There was a period where I regained my hope, dreams and found optimism in my life. However, that's all over again, the way you see a mirage in the desert, the mind playing tricks on you, the cruelty of reality hits you like a brick on the head when you realize it was all just an illusion, instead of coming out of the confusion that follows, you can't help but stay in it.
The saying "you can do everything if you just believe in it" is completely false, not all people are strong enough to make it on their own or are willing to get help from others or help themselves, that's how it is... That's one of the reasons why a dreamer would rather live in his own world, created by himself or at least a world utterly different than the one his in, fantasy can be remedy that helps them live or survive ( depending on the individual ) .
There was a period where I regained my hope, dreams and found optimism in my life. However, that's all over again, the way you see a mirage in the desert, the mind playing tricks on you, the cruelty of reality hits you like a brick on the head when you realize it was all just an illusion, instead of coming out of the confusion that follows, you can't help but stay in it.
The saying "you can do everything if you just believe in it" is completely false, not all people are strong enough to make it on their own or are willing to get help from others or help themselves, that's how it is... That's one of the reasons why a dreamer would rather live in his own world, created by himself or at least a world utterly different than the one his in, fantasy can be remedy that helps them live or survive ( depending on the individual ) .
Friday, February 7, 2014
February 7th,2014
So,another day feeling miserable cause of a fucking mark...It's my fault for doing the work at the last moment,still I don't get how other people who do less or nothing at all get to accomplish something in life?
I'm thinking of ways to change myself but I just can't find the power or persistence to succeed even if I have come to a decision and put it into action I trip on the road or get sidetracked.I'm not making myself feel better by drinking or smoking just because I'm either too proud to do it and do not want to show weakness,realise I might be weak or cause I don't wanna gain any weight by doing so... which is pathetic and I hate myself for that!
There's a song in my mother language which says:
Tell me your best lie ever
Do your best at the end
Trick my mind
I need it please.
I'm at the point (for many years now) that I don't trust my judgement,I doubt everything and stuff that I can't even express in neither english or my mother language.
That's all I had to say tonight,anything that happens to me it is solely my fault.
I guess I'm weak.
I'm thinking of ways to change myself but I just can't find the power or persistence to succeed even if I have come to a decision and put it into action I trip on the road or get sidetracked.I'm not making myself feel better by drinking or smoking just because I'm either too proud to do it and do not want to show weakness,realise I might be weak or cause I don't wanna gain any weight by doing so... which is pathetic and I hate myself for that!
There's a song in my mother language which says:
Tell me your best lie ever
Do your best at the end
Trick my mind
I need it please.
I'm at the point (for many years now) that I don't trust my judgement,I doubt everything and stuff that I can't even express in neither english or my mother language.
That's all I had to say tonight,anything that happens to me it is solely my fault.
I guess I'm weak.
Monday, January 6, 2014
January 6th,2014
Happy New Year everyone!
Today is my birthday.The reason I'm writing to you is to ask something.
On your birthday do you have the feeling like it's not your actual day but an ordinary day?
I get this feeling,I feel like everyone else is having more fun on their birthday and whenever they go out and stuff,yet I don't take any pleasure out of it,whether it is partying,having lunch with friends or anything else.
Another reason I'm posting this day,does anyone of you feel like they don't have the power to do anything?For example,I have some assignments that are due to next friday,I spend my holidays in university accommodation to do work (which as you understand I haven't).I just can't get myself to do anything regarding writing essays,not only I feel tired all the time and lazy but here's something interesting I've been told I'm not lazy but if something doesn't interest me I just can't force myself to do it.Yet I wonder if I could change my course to what I really want,I still think I would be the same...I don't really know what's wrong with me I can't even understand myself and believe me it weakens my soul,body and mind...
Anyway that's almost all,I won't get into more details cause as I told you I feel tired of repeating myself without having any changes in whatever it is I'm heading to...
Today is my birthday.The reason I'm writing to you is to ask something.
On your birthday do you have the feeling like it's not your actual day but an ordinary day?
I get this feeling,I feel like everyone else is having more fun on their birthday and whenever they go out and stuff,yet I don't take any pleasure out of it,whether it is partying,having lunch with friends or anything else.
Another reason I'm posting this day,does anyone of you feel like they don't have the power to do anything?For example,I have some assignments that are due to next friday,I spend my holidays in university accommodation to do work (which as you understand I haven't).I just can't get myself to do anything regarding writing essays,not only I feel tired all the time and lazy but here's something interesting I've been told I'm not lazy but if something doesn't interest me I just can't force myself to do it.Yet I wonder if I could change my course to what I really want,I still think I would be the same...I don't really know what's wrong with me I can't even understand myself and believe me it weakens my soul,body and mind...
Anyway that's almost all,I won't get into more details cause as I told you I feel tired of repeating myself without having any changes in whatever it is I'm heading to...
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