I'm drowning in this sadness
Like a bottomless ocean
And I don't have the strength to pull myself out of it
Fatigue is what I feel most of the time
Tremor is what brings the fear
Moments of hope come and go
And when the restlessness returns
The unknown is what makes me doubt my existence
E.B
Monday, October 10, 2016
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
August 19th, 2014
Don't know how am I or if I am dealing with everything, so exhausted of all the complications in life with family, personal goals, the future etc. Even though I want adventure in life and such, desires/aspirations seem to be changing slowly or transforming into something else.
The only thing I wish for the first time in a long time ( be careful what you wish for they say ) is to turn back time to where everything started. Don't know when that is but I'm sure there is a time and place that is significant to my whole life until now. Factors, decisions, environment, every single detail is a step to what we become.
The only thing I wish for the first time in a long time ( be careful what you wish for they say ) is to turn back time to where everything started. Don't know when that is but I'm sure there is a time and place that is significant to my whole life until now. Factors, decisions, environment, every single detail is a step to what we become.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
July 29th, 2014
Fear, a word, a feeling, stopping you from experiencing life to the fullest. It's not an easy enemy to fight against, whenever you think you won the battle it turns out you haven't. Fear is inside everyone, it's not a war as it can be completely defeated, but a constant battle, helping us to get better, stronger, giving us inspiration purpose not only doubt, uneasiness and struggle.
There are people though ( myself included ) who "win" less than half of the battles they have.
However, being completely isolated, in a place of remoteness where nothing can touch or affect you, in locations like these being alone is more like a remedy than a heavy burden on your shoulders.
Sometimes, getting through the day is enough even if you haven't had any new adventures or experiences, not always though...
There are people though ( myself included ) who "win" less than half of the battles they have.
However, being completely isolated, in a place of remoteness where nothing can touch or affect you, in locations like these being alone is more like a remedy than a heavy burden on your shoulders.
Sometimes, getting through the day is enough even if you haven't had any new adventures or experiences, not always though...
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
July 23rd, 2014
I'm so sick of everything in my life and when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING! If only I had the guts to leave everything behind and "run away" I would have done. I know people have it a lot worse than I do. However, every one deals with their problems and the obstacles life throws at them different from the other...
All of it, is just so confusing and tiresome, makes you wanna go to an eternal slumber and never wake up. Even trying to explain how you feel, seems pointless or you get to be called arrogant, selfish and other names that will either hurt you psychologically or be centralised as the source of the problem.
Another case is, you'll be asked why are you feeling this way and not that way when you could just do this and that, because it is so FUCKING easy to turn things around! Well guess what, IT'S NOT!!!!!
All of it, is just so confusing and tiresome, makes you wanna go to an eternal slumber and never wake up. Even trying to explain how you feel, seems pointless or you get to be called arrogant, selfish and other names that will either hurt you psychologically or be centralised as the source of the problem.
Another case is, you'll be asked why are you feeling this way and not that way when you could just do this and that, because it is so FUCKING easy to turn things around! Well guess what, IT'S NOT!!!!!
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
July 8th, 2014
It's been a few days since I finished watching Digimon ( the entire series ).
The opening song from the first series is a song that got stuck in my head from the very first time I started watching the anime ( 8-9 years probably can't remember), the song itself gives you a sense of hope and courage at the same time, even though it's in Japanese. Nonetheless, there are many cases where words on their use are not needed to be understood but felt, as this case in particular.
I have come to realise or better accept the reason why there is this sadness and melancholy people like might experience regarding this series and all THE FEELS you get from it ( especially the original series ) . The desire to have someone as your own partner who will always be there for you no matter what, to get this connection of spiritual level, the uniqueness of both of them that links them together is something not many individuals truly get to have.
On the other hand, it might be selfish to have a friend all for yourself. However, this kind of friendship and attachment is one that doesn't make you jealous, thus it makes you get closer to your friend and grow wiser through the understanding, compassion and tenderness you share with each other.
Overall, my main point is I often doubt myself and the people around me, I've grown tired of even getting out of bed in the morning, oblivion seems so appealing at times like this yet I thank the universe for the existence of things like that ( music, tv series etc ) for giving me and many others hope in an indescribable way.
The opening song from the first series is a song that got stuck in my head from the very first time I started watching the anime ( 8-9 years probably can't remember), the song itself gives you a sense of hope and courage at the same time, even though it's in Japanese. Nonetheless, there are many cases where words on their use are not needed to be understood but felt, as this case in particular.
I have come to realise or better accept the reason why there is this sadness and melancholy people like might experience regarding this series and all THE FEELS you get from it ( especially the original series ) . The desire to have someone as your own partner who will always be there for you no matter what, to get this connection of spiritual level, the uniqueness of both of them that links them together is something not many individuals truly get to have.
On the other hand, it might be selfish to have a friend all for yourself. However, this kind of friendship and attachment is one that doesn't make you jealous, thus it makes you get closer to your friend and grow wiser through the understanding, compassion and tenderness you share with each other.
Overall, my main point is I often doubt myself and the people around me, I've grown tired of even getting out of bed in the morning, oblivion seems so appealing at times like this yet I thank the universe for the existence of things like that ( music, tv series etc ) for giving me and many others hope in an indescribable way.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
July 1st, 2014
Almost a year ago I created this blog so I could write down my thoughts and feelings, haven't been doing that quite often as most of the time I can't even be bothered to wake up in the morning.
There was a period where I regained my hope, dreams and found optimism in my life. However, that's all over again, the way you see a mirage in the desert, the mind playing tricks on you, the cruelty of reality hits you like a brick on the head when you realize it was all just an illusion, instead of coming out of the confusion that follows, you can't help but stay in it.
The saying "you can do everything if you just believe in it" is completely false, not all people are strong enough to make it on their own or are willing to get help from others or help themselves, that's how it is... That's one of the reasons why a dreamer would rather live in his own world, created by himself or at least a world utterly different than the one his in, fantasy can be remedy that helps them live or survive ( depending on the individual ) .
There was a period where I regained my hope, dreams and found optimism in my life. However, that's all over again, the way you see a mirage in the desert, the mind playing tricks on you, the cruelty of reality hits you like a brick on the head when you realize it was all just an illusion, instead of coming out of the confusion that follows, you can't help but stay in it.
The saying "you can do everything if you just believe in it" is completely false, not all people are strong enough to make it on their own or are willing to get help from others or help themselves, that's how it is... That's one of the reasons why a dreamer would rather live in his own world, created by himself or at least a world utterly different than the one his in, fantasy can be remedy that helps them live or survive ( depending on the individual ) .
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